What's this all about!?

So ... what's this all about?

Let's face it, we all ask that question about one thing or another ... or maybe life in general. Especially when you've got very little else to do. 
Yes, I know the Biblical answer and I believe it. But that doesn't mean I don't ponder what it's really suppose to look like here, physically, hour by hour.

One struggle that I was able to put into words after the first month of living overseas in a new country was one of "justifying my existance". Up until I arrived in Azerbaijan, I justified my existance with friends, family, a job, exercise, church, etc. - aka stuff that filled my day that gave me self significance. Only when I had chosen to leave all of this, and before I had established any of it somewhere else, did I realize that I had a problem.
And the problem wasn't because I was overseas or had stepped out of God's will somewhere along the way ... the problem followed me there, followed me to Houston and now resides in Fort Collins.
It's ME.

There's a pattern in every place I choose to move. Excitement, realization, desperation and then surrender. Excitement in a new place with new opportunities; Realization that I am going to have to work hard to get what I want out of being there; Desperation when I realize it's not coming together as planned and I spent hours doing "nothing"; and finally Surrender, where I fall on my knees saying I can't do it - "I can't justify my life!"  Then God, in his ever loving way, reminds me (for the millionth time), "Of course you can't, Julie, I've already done it. My Son justified your existance ... the very breath you take. Why are you trying to out-do that?"  (ugh ... heart piercing)

I think I am going to try to skip the "desperation stage" this time and surrender.

What's it all about? Love, Faith and Trust ... in none other than my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ!